I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
