Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
