just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I love having hate sex.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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