On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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