This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
