i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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