Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
