hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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