this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
