She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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