I smell stomach acid.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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