OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
vagina is talking i cant
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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