look no pants
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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