Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
