Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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