Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
