My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
