She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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