When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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