Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
