He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
