So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
