had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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