WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have demons in me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
