it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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