Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
