Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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