Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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