i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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