watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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