My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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