i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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