so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Green mimosas i think yes
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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