thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
