Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
