I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
from now on my penis is your penis
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
