The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
