We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
