As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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