I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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