Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
