I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
