I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
