Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
