My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
