ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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