so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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