i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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