You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
