Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
