He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
as a side note pls kill me
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