that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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