Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
did you just send me my own nude
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
