Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
