the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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