Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
