I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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